Single Parenting and Its Effect on Child’s Education

Single Parenting and Its Effect on Child’s Education

Single Parenting – In approaching marriage and causes of single parenting scientifically, it is necessary to write about the social change on marital stability in our society. Marital stability refers to what constitutes stable relationship between husband, wife and children in a harmonious relationship that is within nuclear family. There are certain factors in our tradition and modern society which militate against marital stability.

Some of these factors can be discussed under vital teaching like courtship, family, organization, age, education, and economic independence.

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COURTSHIP

During courtship period affect the long run relationship between husband and wife. This is a period of serious preparation between a girl and a boy intending to get married in future. The devotion of nay courtship depends on the two parties concerned. Since it my not necessary end up in marriage, it is an important step in the selection of spouse. According to Omari Peter (1960) says that ‘the partner knows best, the groom requires little time to get use to peculiar attitude of the wife’. This is important to some extent because it avoids dangerous courtship before marriage since not all courtship end up in marriage.

In the past, girls are betrothed before parents allow any form of courtship. The courtship takes a different pattern from our modern courtship. Their own courtship period according to Marsh (1987) ‘during the courtship period, the wife to be at times visits the parents home of her mother-in-law and not with her would-be husband’. This idea was that the young man must put the girl in the family way before dowry was paid. This dowry helped to legalize the marriage, Goode (1963) state, ‘marriage was not just an event but a process in which visiting services and gifts were exchanged over a period of time as marriage relationship strengthened and each spouse was more fully accepted by his relatives. Social changes have contributed to marital instability. This does not mean that in tradition society, marital instability did not occur. These were also evidences of quarrels and single parenting that are apparent these days.

Our social set these days is a thing of much importance. Once the couples concerned are socially compatible, there is tend to be irritable behaviour in the home which can speed up divorce.

FAMILY ORGANIZATION

Most families are physically separated from the extended family system. The physical separation helped to create inter-independence between husband and wife. It also helps them to have a peaceful life with less interference from the extended family, which is normally the cause of most break-up of marriage because tension from the man’s family gets the woman up set and the man biased or vice-versa. There should be a limit to how the family organization affects marriage.

EDUCATIONAL BACKGROUND

There are bound to be conflict when one partner tries to claim educational superiority over the other. When there are no similarities in educational background they tend to view things or issues differently which pose problems to their marital status.

It is therefore a vital importance that the difference in their educational background should be such that permits intelligent exchange of viewpoints and most important of all at social discussion. The man or woman should at least partake in homely of formal discussions. No partner is happy if his or her partner is unable to keep pace with discussion or debates. The reverse is the case when the educational differences are such that militates against one being unable to discuss in social gathering.

THEORETICAL BASIS OF THE CAUSES OF SINGLE PARENTING

According to Akanda (1977) ‘marriage is sacred and persons who are sound together in the homes must be of priceless value to one another so that they can enjoy their marriage life to optimum’. A marriage that will succeed must be built on mutual confidence, understanding and the absence of infidelity. There should never be anything like marriage out of sympathy on the part of the woman or the man, that is to say marriage out of mere favour and not of the natural love, such a marriage can be dangerous beyond their capacity to cope with.

There is always joy in a marriage where mutual confidence is present but such confidence is lost when husband is not faithful to his wife or vise-versa, that is, when each of them keeps a secret lover outside the home to whom more attention and money is given such a way of paves way for marital destruction which later leads to divorce.

If marriage is to have continuity, a couple must be ready to settle the problems with God as their third partner. Both husband and wife must take care to accept injury for insult without paying back, to learn to adjust to each others likes and dislikes and to take the initiative in forgiveness. If one will not express regret for an action, the other must often seek for forgiveness; they must learn not to reopen old wounds but must face the future with hope and good promises so that their marriage may continue to stability and sweet bliss.

Another author Burthon (1963) in his book reported that ‘the simplest way to avoid single parenting is to marry someone very much like yourself. The more you are alike in thought and actions, the likely for the marriage to succeed when you have the same similarity or compatible talents, likes, dislikes and ambition and moral concepts, you then supplement and build those qualities into each other.

It has been stated by Mohammed Abdul Rauf (1978) that “there are causes which could recommend the dissolution of marriage. A husband who realize his importance of become important or who become incapable of footing the maintenance of his wife, fears that she may take a wrong, decision by keeping for a divorce. This researcher also agrees with Mohammed Abdul Rauf’s submission that will be useless to continue in a marriage of any sort if the couples cannot, reconcile this differences or the marriage will be full of unnecessary pressure such like fault finding and picking up of uncalled for quarrels, in view of Fumilayo Davis (1978) “A stable marriage makes a good home, good home making, good children and invariably a society” no woman should therefore brush aside matter concerning marital instability. All persons involved in marriage should make sure that their marriage is successful. An attempt was made in their article to analyze some of the factors contributing to marital collapse. For example Mary Nwaye (1976) in her write up titled “the nagging syndrome in Sunday times, suggested that lateness of some husband and drunkenness should be considered greater factors that leads to single parenting rather than nagging. She says”. I wonder how many women would have patience and wisdom to deal kindly with a drunken husband that staggers into the house disturbing everyone and working up the children that are already a sleep. Whatever the cases couples should try to iron out their differences and accept failures as the case may be consequently, this problem or marital break up is particularly important because children suffer most. In that, it creates serious social and emotional adjustment problems to understand its cause and a such, they may be obsessed with irrational fear that they were at fault. It is easier for them to feel that the parent who is leaving the home does not live them or that they will never be loved again, thus it creates a gap in the children’s existence because there is an abrupt change in the most ultimate part of their lives. In the Nigerian situation with special references to Egor Local Government Area of Edo State after single parenting or separation the men who would feel that all his children must live under one roof so as to have a closely knit family wings, the children from the hands of the woman or ex-wife as the case may be and forces his present wife to take over the care of the children. Some men make this children not because they love them so much but because by so doing they believe they are punishing their natural mother. If any body is being punished in these matters, it is the children who face the risk of ill treatment at the hands of step-mothers. At times, many of these men are so busy chasing after money that they have little or not time to oversee things in the homes. Imagine a situation where a man leaves home in the morning while the child is still in bed and returns at night he has no time to look into the child’s exercise books to know the performance of the child at school, or if the child has pay things are incentives, in this circumstances the motherly care will be lacking. There is no woman who can play the role of a biological mother perfectly clothing and feeding and all; that needs. He need touch more than anything else, when some mother touches their step children it will so spank them for other, it is to send them on errands.

A close watch over children from broken homes shows that many are distant from the rest member of the family. They are not even free to play with their father as much as the other children of the present wife. They are like children raised in total having no commitment. A step child is highly sensitive to withstand sense of security other children push him away from their father his child will recall into his shell. He notices very early that his is alone. He might become a depressed social isolate and deviant. The mo9lding of the children is accomplished through persons to person interaction and the family is the major agency through which this socialization takes place. There is a relationship between family structure and juvenile delinquency. Child comes from broken home where there is no cordial relationship between the parents and the children will tend to be delinquent in case here the fathers have remarried, the step mother who are often very jealous of the children tend to show their feeling by making the children do so much work in the house that they find it impossible to participate in leisure activities. There are days, they will return from school to start preparing their launch themselves, or at time there will be no launch for them at all. And any day any one of them offends in the home, the child will go to bed on an empty stomach. As a result children run away from home and school and while on the street, they engage in various illegal activities such as begging and stealing to feed themselves. Also, in broken homes where parents have the relationship between the children or format marriage and the new partners of such parents is not often cordial. If the step-parents are females the tendency is that they regard these children as their rivals for the husband’s affection and attention to themselves and their children. The husband in order to please these women indulges in given differential treatment to the children of former wife as compared to the children of the new wife. Eventually this result to non satisfaction of the needs of the former wife children.

Consequently over the years a critical analysis of the standard of the children performance in our secondary institution in some selected schools in Benin City and the state in general reveals the turning out of half-baked, half-built and half-cooked scholars. This increase in poor performance has been attributed to a lot of factors such as broken homes as a matter of fact, makes the children feel better and carryover the tension from home to school. A miserable person cannot as clearly as a happy one and a tensed person cannot concentrate as consistently as a revealed one because children are more vulnerable to emotional upheavals. Sometimes a nursed child show unacceptable behavioural responses like lying, stealing, and playing truant and no teacher can help a child with such problem without the parent’s cooperation, unhappiness unsets and makes children feels distressed. As a result, they will be unable to concentrate on their studies.

However, stealing in schools ahs been associated with children from broken homes. This is an expression of insecurity. A child who feels he lacks love often takes things that do not belong to him as a way of taking affections. Again dishonesty during test and examinations is not ruled out. This is because, most of the students who comes from broken homes are day students and as such do not have much time to read at home, due to work load of household chores which they have to carryout daily, as a result, they takes to cheating at test and examination in order to perform up to expectation.

Finally, majority of step children are being over laboured when they come back from school. They are sent to go and fetch water, firewood for the meal and other family errand some are engaged in energy.

This article was extracted from a Project Research Work Topic

IMPACT OF SINGLE PARENTING AND ITS EFFECT ON CHILD EDUCATION IN SELECTED SCHOOLS IN EGOR LOCAL GOVERNMENT AREA, EDO STATE

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